Angelena Goldwater

I have been inspired to write a church blog, and keep a record of the blessings my life has been given and the changes I have made since I was baptized on February 23rd, 2013. My life will NEVER be the same, and I haven’t regretted a single second of my choice to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I thought telling my conversion story would be a good place to start, although so much has happened, and I will probably explode with blog posts!

In November 2010 I began investigating the church on my own, using Google as my main source. Ladies and gentleman, I don’t recommend this.  Lots of the information is false, and will make the church look weird and strange, when in fact, it is beautiful and wonderful. Any questions you have I recommend you try mormon.org or lds.org, and if those don’t fit to your liking I have a couple friends I can send your way who are willing to answer all your questions! Anyway, I had been researching some of what the church teaches, looking up different temples and admiring their beauty, and getting sparked with curiosity every way I turned. I finally requested missionaries to come visit me (one of the many awesome things found on mormon.org) and I began getting lessons. At this point in time in my life, I was 17, in an abusive relationship, and stuck in my own mess of life. I was looking for an outlet and the teachings of the church really intrigued me! The missionaries gave me a Book of Mormon and I began to read it after they left my home one day. I immediately felt the spirit testify of the truth and divinity of this book (although I did not recognize this at the time) but stopped reading because it was ‘too hard’. I remember praying for God to reveal the truth to me like the missionaries had told me to do, but I later learned that when seeking the truth, reading the Book of Mormon and praying go hand in hand, you can not just do one without the other, or you will never learn of the truth. I remembered the feeling I got when reading the first portion of the book and held on to that feeling, and continued to meet with the missionaries. I  had even gone to church once or twice, but I left early to keep any of my family from knowing where I was.Not too much longer after that I had set a date to be baptized, having convinced myself that it was not that big of a deal, and keeping my choice to myself was okay. I have always been independent, doing things alone without the influence of others. It came to a head pretty quickly though, and I knew I had to tell my friends and family. I backed out of this first date, after being convinced by some family members that it was wrong and the members of the church, although very nice and successful people, were lead astray. Along with that, the stupid boy friend at the time threatened to leave me, and said he would never support this decision. They (missionaries and members of the church) warn you that when you know the church is true and you move forward to baptism, the devil will do anything in his power to keep you from that joy and because he is so darn clever, he succeeded!

After that I remember ignoring the knocks on the door when the missionaries came to visit, yet, walking around with the knowledge I had of the gospel and sharing what I knew with other people, because even then I KNEW, I just didn’t know how to handle it yet. I began to go back to my research, once again being called back to the church. I would take my camera and photograph the Denver temple and walk the grounds all the time. I yearned to feel that spirit and knew that this was the only way I could. The missionaries came back, and started to re -teach me the lessons, encouraging me to pray and read. This time I tried to read, thinking I did it all wrong last time. Once again I did receive some sort of answer, because I was praying and I knew someone was listening, but I had given up reading again and nothing struck me with the truth. I still felt the need to try and once more, set ANOTHER baptism date. My life was consumed with darkness at this time, and it was really easy to let Satan grab a hold of me and lead me other places. Things with the boyfriend started to get better, I found a job, and I thought to myself I don’t need the church, I just need to be patient and things will start to come around!“. So I started to ask the missionaries questions about things I had heard, things that were NOT true, and even when they gave good, plausible explanations, I still felt that the research I had done was true and this church was NUTS! Again, I must express that this was WAY before I did grasp the truth, and I highly suggest going to church -ran sites for your information, or talking with the missionaries.

So I backed out of two baptism dates, ignored the promptings I had to continue to learn about the church, and went back to my life.

After I had finished school, found a job, and had broken up with that nasty boyfriend of mine, I finally started to clear my head of all the darkness and pain that had consumed me for so long.
December 2012, I came home from work one day to see a pair of missionaries walk into the apartment of the neighbors who had moved in not too long ago. By this time I was 20 years old and had grown leaps and bounds from where I was when I first began to become converted. It took me a couple weeks of seeing them in and out of the apartment, catching eye contact with one of the missionaries through the window (Later this missionary baptized me…) and lots of promptings to try just ONE more time to talk with the missionaries. One time I saw them go inside and I made it a goal to wait until I heard them leave, catch them and try to talk to them. So I sat in my living room with my Book of Mormon in my hand (I still hadn’t read more than a couple pages) waiting to hear them leave. I then heard them come out, say their good byes, and my heart started to pound.  How crazy am I? I thought. I am about to chase them down,  just to talk to them… So after calming myself down I opened my door and saw them get into their car. I went up the stairs, stood half way between my door and their car and stared them down. Do I go? Do I turn around and go back home? Do I tap on the window like a crazy person and ask to talk to them? I remembered how I requested the missionaries the first time, and went on to mormon.org and requested they come visit me.

The following Monday, Elder Anderson (the one who I kept seeing through the window) and a member of the church in a family ward stood at my door, and I said, “Hello Elder! Please come in!” I was so happy they came. Elder Anderson and I talked about my story, I told him about the boyfriend and the family that had tried to convince me not to be baptized, and allowed him to teach me the first lesson. We set a baptism date for March 3rd, 2013, just in case. I promised I would Pray AND read, and find for myself if the church was true, and if I did that I would receive an answer that baptism was the way to go. THAT NIGHT I did both things, and in an instant I knew I needed to join the church and I shouldn’t delay any longer. I texted Elder Anderson the next day and asked him to come back and teach me the next lesson. I met his new companion Elder Pedro and as soon as I got them through the door I told them about the experience I had while praying and reading. I then said, “Lets move the baptism date up… when is the soonest?” And we picked February 23rd, 2013 at noon.

Elder Anderson and I in front of the baptismal font ^ and Elder Anderson, me and Elder Pedro who confirmed me

Since then, I have grown so much as a person. I have made a bunch of friends, got a church calling as ward missionary, gone to all 4 sessions of general conference (and that is HUGE.  I’ll share next post about that experience) and I am now getting ready for my patriarchal blessing (This experience is coming up THIS WEEK and I am so excited).

Before, prayer was a hard thing for me to do. I felt embarrassed praying with the missionaries, and avoided eye contact with people in church so I wouldn’t be asked to do an opening or closing prayer. I couldn’t even keep my eyes closed! Now, prayer flows from my heart and lips as easy as water does from a faucet. I pray everywhere, all the time, making sure I begin my mornings on my knees, and ending my day once again, on my knees.

This was the best decision I have made in my entire life. I can’t think of a time where I have ever been so happy, and that, my friends, is what knowing the truth does for you.  I have been brought out of darkness and into the most radiant light I have ever seen and felt. I glow with the light of Christ every day, and I let the spirit guide my steps at every turn.

There is a scripture I learned of the day I was baptized that I would like to share to end this post. It goes to show that through darkness and sadness, the gospel of Jesus Christ will be your rock and your light. It is one of my favorites:

“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall”– Helaman 5:12

I am now building on Christ, and I will never look back.